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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25017445">wake up tomorrow and my room's the same</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AroPeterWam/pseuds/AroPeterWam'>AroPeterWam</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, Female Player Character (Hogwarts Mystery), Female Rowan Khanna, Hurt/Comfort, Some Spoilers, Video Game: Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery, but most is made up, dumbledore - Freeform, everyone else appears - Freeform, i hate that rowan died, snape - Freeform, that part sucks</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 06:33:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,590</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25017445</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AroPeterWam/pseuds/AroPeterWam</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Rowan was dead and the grief was too much that if it weren't for a few friends and an unsuspected ally, Ella Marris would have done the unthinkable.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Merula Snyde/Original Character(s), Merula Snyde/Original Female Character(s), Player Character/Merula Snyde</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>51</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. you want a better story. who wouldn't?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Ella Marris stood at the base of the forest unsure how to move forward. She didn’t even know how they got there. One minute she was in the forest, ready to push Ben aside, and the next thing she saw was Rowan on the floor- warm and lifeless. They say the dead are cold but that wasn’t true, Rowan was warm and dead. It was like she was a husk of a body that should have been asleep but the moment Ella looked at Rowan’s eyes, she saw that there was nothing there. She really understood what the dead looked like. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ella,” she felt someone grab her wrist, “we have to go and get Dumbledore! Come on, keep moving.” It took her a while to understand it was Merula who had brought her out of the forest and continued to drag her to the castle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But Rowan! She’s still there. We can’t just leave! I have to go and get her-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Look, someone just killed her and you want to go back to the spot? Fuck that, I’m not losing you tonight.” Merula dragged her roughly towards the castle and didn’t let go. Not even after they found the headmaster or the other professors. It was a blur for Ella, but Merula took the reins and handled the conversation. </span>
</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>
  <span>The days that followed were bleak. Ella wouldn’t eat much and the little conversations that she caught were echoes of her haunting memories. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She did it. She took Rowan there and look what happened.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shouldn’t she be expelled? Or sent to Azkaban?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe that explains why she suddenly began hanging around Merula. Two peas of the same pod.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Rowan’s poor parents… I heard they were on their way to collect the body. I can’t imagine what they’ll tell them.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I heard her brother was the one that killed Rowan! That Ella lured Merula, Rowan, and Ben to kill them with her brother to become Death Eaters.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shut the fuck up.” Ella turned to stare at Merula who was eating next to her. She didn’t even know when she showed up. “What happened there had nothing to do with Marris, but your face arrangement might have something to do with my fist. Now shut up and let me eat my food without your squirrely annoying voice.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Whoever was speaking left and Ella thanked Merula who just grunted. “Don’t give yourself too much credit. In fact, don’t think. You do better not thinking, believe me.” Ella couldn’t help herself and for the first time in days, she smiled. It was shy and small, but it was genuine and Merula smiled back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Look who finally made it out of their common room! I was about to whip up a polyjuice potion to sneak into the Slytherin dorms to find you.” Penny slid next to Ella and put food on her plate. “But now that you’re out, you should eat! Please. Eat.” It was more demanding than gentle, but Ella understood that she was in no position to decline the food. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Where’s the Mud-, er… Copper?” Merula added some figs onto Ella’s plate. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s in the same position actually. He won’t come out and he hasn’t said a word at all. When Professor Snape sent him an owl to talk about his last assignment, he didn’t respond and I quote- ‘I don’t care. He can give me detention if he wants.’” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Whatever followed happened. Ella didn’t listen to anything else that was said. Or she did but she wouldn’t recall anything. She sat there staring at the plate of food and figs and wondering whether Rowan would come back as a ghost. Can they come back as ghosts if they died on school grounds? She would have to ask the Bloody Baron later for that information. She didn’t really care much of anything else except that she was there and Rowan wasn’t. When it was time for Potions, she didn’t want to enter the classroom. That was where she and Rowan would spend what felt like hours to find ingredients, only to realize they both had wands and could use magic.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m your partner now.” Ella turned to Merula who sat in her regular spot next to her and Ella didn’t know what she meant. “I’m sorry?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your potions partner, Marris. Keep up. Come on, Snape wants to talk to us before class.” She grabbed Ella and led her to where Snape stood. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I am not surprised that you two would find another reckless adventure. For future sakes and sanity, I hope you both understood the consequences of going to search for things that are none of your businesses. Death is an encompassing part of life, though Rowan was too young and far more bright than any of you two could hope to be, there is a lesson here to be learned.” Ella almost said something about how the lessons of life were lost to someone who sulked. She didn’t find it fair that the most judgmental person could give any console to the bereaved. What did Snape know about loss? Who was he to speak about it? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The things the dead did for you while they lived, are the most powerful feelings you could have. They can hurt but they should also remind you of who and what you have to do to get through the day. For Rowan’s sake, do not go looking for more danger. She loved you in the way she knew and for that, you both paid a heavy price. Don’t let what she did go in vain.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The class was quiet. Snape’s words hung over Ella’s head and the memories of Rowan were too deep and the only solid ground she felt was Merula who gripped her arm underneath the table. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re going to mix the wrong thing and Snape will deduct points. Focus!” Merula squeezed her arm again and it felt like she would have held on longer but then let go. It left the skin warm and tingly and Ella just stared at Merula. “Focus!” She shoved a quill and paper in front of Ella. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The next day Rowan’s parents had arrived to claim the body. The halls were quiet and as the head of the house, Snape left to greet them with Dumbledore. Ella wanted to hide under the covers but she didn’t want to cower. The least she could do was give Rowan’s parents some closure. Even if it was from a murderer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Marris,” Ella stood up far too quickly, feeling light-headed. “Come with me. Your presence has been requested.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She felt the heavyweight of something stuck in her throat as her stomach flipped. She could only think of two people who would want to see her. And she was ready for it. She was ready to be screamed at, hated, and everything else she had done to herself. She grabbed a book Rowan was reading just days before and the poorly knitted blanket. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She walked to Dumbledore’s office, trailing behind Snape who offered no comfort, and waited for the staircase to appear. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sir, she’s here.” Snape stepped to the side revealing an adult version of Rowan and a handsome man who she saw little resemblance towards Rowan. The silence was heavy and no one said a thing. Ella didn’t know what to say. She should apologize and soon but the words were heavy and thick, making it hard to even swallow. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Please, leave us.” The woman spoke softly, her voice hoarse and muffled by grief.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We will be outside then.” Dumbledore and Snape left, leaving Ella alone and ready for atonement. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I recognized you from the pictures she sent. You had an odd hat with the Slytherin emblem and a painted lion on your face.” The man spoke, breaking the silence and creating a wave of opportunity again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She always spoke of you so fondly. About the friend who always got in trouble but always ready to do the right things. And it makes me wonder how did we not know that trouble would follow? She stayed in to read a lot and sometimes we wondered whether all of that reading was good for such a young mind but we were wrong. She was well beyond her years. So old in fact, that she wanted to knit the way muggles do. Odd but I have an inkling that was your influence?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ella twisted the blanket in her hands. The opportunity was there again and she knew if she said nothing, she would never again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She thought if muggles could get by without magic, how much farther could she get if she tried to not rely on magic as much.” Ella pulled out the blanket, many times folded, but still a remainder of Rowan. “This was supposed to be a Christmas gift for you both.” She passed the blanket to Rowan’s mother, tears already pooling. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She gathered all the courage she could. "I'm so sorry… believe me, words have no way of expressing my regret and sorrow. I never meant for her to-" She was cut short by an abrupt embrace. It was undeserving. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You did nothing to hurt her. Oh you sweet child, you saved her in more ways than one." With Rowan's mother hugging her, Ella felt something lifted from her shoulders. It reminded her of Rowan. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I promise you, the one who did it will pay the price. But that is not for you Ella to do. Rowan loved you and I would feel immense sadness if you wound up dead too. Don't let her death be in vain sweet child." It was small but the breath Ella held was released. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They talked for a while longer, reminiscing over Rowan and all her quirks. Ella told her parents all Rowan did, from how she made Ella study hard and work harder with her magic. Or how Rowan was always quick with a new plan that was always better than the rest. Or how Rowan was so paranoid but always so sure she was doing the right thing. She told them how when she tried out for the Frog Choir, Rowan- their musically impaired daughter- helped Ella to breathe better and maintain a pitch. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Dumbledore returned, they took Rowan's things in trunks and before they left Ella remembered the book Rowan was reading. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"This is the book she was reading before…" The words were stuck and choppy but she still didn't want to say how Rowan was dead. Rowan's father shook his head and pushed it back towards Ella. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It's yours. You gave us the blanket, it will be enough for now." Ella smiled and hugged him. She thought that he smelled a little like Rowan when she would let Ella sleep in the bed with her on the horrible nights. It was an odd comfort now that she wouldn't have the pleasure of experiencing again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Please keep in touch with us. Anything you ever need, </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything at all</span>
  </em>
  <span>, don't hesitate in contacting us." Rowan's mother's eyes shined with determination and Ella vaguely thought that she wanted Ella to look for the murderer. She hugged her fiercely and then they left, leaving Ella feeling truly alone for the first time. </span>
</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>
  <span>"Marris," Ella turned to Merula who sat on her bed without permission. "I want you and Copper to meet me at the Three Broomsticks at 6. I need to talk to you guys about something." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ella was confused and slightly annoyed with how her emotions were all over the place that even Merula being neutral felt like a kind gift. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It's not bad, don't look at me like that. But, if you would get your pretty little head out of your ass, you'll see that you're not the only one going through this you idiot." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ella thought about how all of everything happened because of how self-centered she was. <em>Is</em>. Her head was reeling with how Ben was feeling just as bad and Merula too. Even worse, she fixated on how Merula called her pretty. She sat down next to Merula, unsure of what to do.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm sorry. I know it can't have been easy for you either. I… let me buy butterbeers today?" She offered her hand to Merula who looked at it. She wasn't sure if she'd try to bite her or hold it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"And a meal." Merula pushed the hand away, but softly, as if she also thought Ella would break. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It's a date then!" Ella said, not meaning to, and almost took it back but then saw Merula's face soften. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Not with Copper it won't." She looked at her with shock and blushed. She stood up quickly and pushed past Ella, her back facing Ella. "It was a joke. Lighten up. Just be there at 6." </span>
</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>
  <span>Ella sat down in the courtyard on the fountain and decided that now would be a good time to read. She wanted to get into the headspace of Rowan. Anything she could grasp that was the memory of Rowan was enough to get her going again. The book Rowan was reading was about muggles and their concepts of love. Ella found it odd but went with it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What are you doing?" Ella heard a small voice beside her, and she nearly fell into the water before a hand held her shoulders. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Ben!" Ella wasn't sure how to face Ben yet. He was blaming himself for something that was her fault. Ella felt her surroundings close in on her more and more as the days went on. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I was on my way to eat something and saw you by chance. You are coming later to meet Merula, right? That just felt weird to even say out loud." He let out a small laugh and then let his shoulder bump hers. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yes, I will be there. Tonight is on me so come hungry." Ella bumped his shoulder back and they both sat there with a suffocating silence. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I-" They both started at once. Ben motioned for Ella to continue and she almost declined but felt that he needed to hear what she should have said from the first night. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm sorry Ben. I don't know what you're feeling but believe me, I feel so much regret and anger and sadness. Sometimes my head wants to explode or just to scream at somebody. Other days I want to crawl to the forest and die. But I never once blamed you or Merula, if anything all of this was my fault. No, let me finish." Ella stopped him before he cut her off. She took his hand and gave it a small squeeze. "From the first day I met any of you, my ambition was my drive in finding my brother and clearing his name. But along the way my selfishness became too much and I never apologized to anybody. You most of all. I know I put you in many uncomfortable positions and I truly am sorry Ben. Please, you don't have to forgive me ever but you have to know your friendship is always valued and important and I'm so sorry for being selfish." Ella began to tear up and blinked back tears until Ben held her. She wasn't sure if he was crying but they stayed like that for a while. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they finally broke apart they began to laugh. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"So Merula, huh?" He joked and Ella felt herself panic. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What about her?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Well, she is not someone I'd have thought would be so chummy with us, but I'm glad she's around. Honestly, all of this has made me see her in a nicer light." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Me too. I mean. She did a lot of things too that were questionable but she'- she's definitely really good at this… being aggressively understanding?" Ella didn't know what else to say about Merula except that she was glad Merula existed. Without her, she probably would have been driven mad. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Let's go before she comes to look for us." </span>
</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>
  <span>When they arrived, Merula was sitting alone at a booth. She saw Ben and Ella arrive and instantly felt calmer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"So all three of us saw something bad. And all three of us are passing the blame or something sappy like that. But it doesn't matter if </span>
  <em>
    <span>she </span>
  </em>
  <span>is still out there running free." Merula stopped when she ordered food and drinks for all three. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ben cleared his throat and both girls turned to look at him. He looked at Merula first and when she nodded they both turned to Ella. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know this is sudden and you of all people may not want to-” Ben was cut off by Merula who leaned towards Ella. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We should form a club to fight back against Rakepick and ‘R’. Let’s fight together and avenge Khanna.” Ella turned to Merula and was shocked. She knew it probably was more guilt if anything for the feelings she had, but when she looked at Ben and saw the same determined face full of malice she didn’t know what to think. Did she feel like she should wager her life? The life Rowan died protecting? What about Ben and Merula? She died saving all three of them and this was their brilliant plan? It was brilliant and methodical but very rash and uncoordinated. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know we all want to make her pay for what she did but we don’t have anything more than an idea to start off with. How do we even organize it? And then calling members in at odd hours, that will look so suspicious! Dumbledore forbade us from doing something like this…” She trailed off looking to Ben who she felt might support her enough to back down. But he turned to look at Merula who was angry. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That never once stopped you before, so don’t go acting like you follow the rules Marris.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How do you think Rowan died? She died because I never kept to the rules. From the first year, from the very first day, my main goal was to find Jacob regardless of the rules, and this is the price.” Ella was close to tears out of frustration or from admitting the harrowing truth she would say in whispers to herself. “I am the reason that everyone who has gotten hurt, was hurt.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You really give yourself too much credit. Look, we didn’t think a professor whom we trusted, or well <em>I</em> trusted, would use all those unforgivable curses on us, least on Rowan. I want to do something good and avenge Rowan. We can find her and kill her, a life for a life. It seems fair.” Merula sat back and took a sip from her butterbeer and looked as if she was waiting for Ella to challenge her. Ella turned to Ben, who she knew would have hesitations about this because that was who Ben was. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I agree with Merula.” Ben whispered loud enough for them to hear. Merula smirked looking at Ella, who was bewildered. “Why are you fighting us on this? You of all people should have been the first to take on the chance at avenging Rowan. What changed?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She wanted to avenge Rowan but she also wanted to make sure no one else would get hurt. She already had planned to not return the next year in the hopes that Rakepick would resurface. She was ready for it to come down to Rakepick in Azkaban or 6 feet under. Either way, she already expected that by using magic underaged, she would face repercussions of either expulsion or something else. She weighed her options carefully in that nothing could be worse than another friend dead.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Because she already had plans to go after her alone.” Merula leaned forward to look at Ella waiting for a reaction. Ella wasn’t sure how Merula sometimes did it, but like always, she was a step behind her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You truly are the most amazing witch Merula.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That doesn’t answer my question, Marris.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You didn’t ask one.” Ella felt her cheeks get warmer, and she figured that some part of her will really miss Merula being like that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you leaving to look for her?” Ben finally asked, tired of whatever tension the two girls were giving. “What did you plan to do when you found her? Kill her? Turn her in? Torture? She didn’t just affect you. She used us all in some twisted way. How can you look for her and deny us that same right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She looked at Ben in a way she never did before. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then it’s settled. We form a group and practice to prepare for when we meet her again.” Merula rested her head on her hand, playing with her food while looking at Ella. It wasn’t in the same challenging way she did earlier, but it almost felt like she was pleading with Ella. “You know you can’t do this alone. And let’s be honest, you could do with a better-formulated plan.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, what do you say?” Ben inched forward in excitement. Ella wasn’t sure if it was the shared experience or the many years of the three in an odd relationship that this just felt like another naturally, wild thing at Hogwarts. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. here is the part where everyone was happy all the time...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dumbledore has some news for Ella.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It took longer than they would have liked, but eventually, they found a group of loyal friends that wanted in with whatever they were doing. Some didn’t even ask, they just said that they’d be there when they were called. But then that issue also arose: How do they call on each other without the school being alerted?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They decided to sleep on it for a few days and would reconvene in a week, but time was running short and the one person Ella would have asked was gone. It felt like some hole had opened up next to her. Gone was that warmth of Rowan and her endless methodical thinking, and now just stood Ella alone in almost every aspect of her day. So she did what Rowan would have and went towards the library. She couldn’t ask for help on this either so she decided to browse through the books in the enchantments and then almost gave up until she saw something orange sticking up from the books behind her. She would have ignored it normally but she wondered when Merula’s presence began to feel like a firm tree that she could lean on. Under. Wow. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you’re just going to look at me, how about you help me instead? You get to look at me longer and this way, I get something out of it too.” Ella threw Merula a wink and quickly turned back around to flip through the pages again. She willed her body not to react to Merula and how when she sat next to her there was that smell she could never fully identity: cloves, nail polish, and if she could ever identify a scent off of memories, it would be that- memories. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t want to say anything, but I think I have the answer to the summoning problem.” Merula hesitantly spoke about how her parents had the Death Eaters Mark and when </span>
  <em>
    <span>that man</span>
  </em>
  <span> would call them, their tattoos would alert them. Ella could tell Merula was always scared she’d be compared to them and so she didn’t say anything except: “Should we give them a quill or something?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Merula stared at her with a softened gaze that she hardened as soon as she let it drop. She scoffed and shrugged, walking back to the commons. Ella didn’t understand that shift in attitude but went calling after Merula as was the norm for her. </span>
</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>
  <span>After they gave each member a quill and began their weekly sessions, Ella felt her world expanding. She had allies, but most importantly <em>friends</em> and not just people she called friends because of their aid in her quests. But genuine friends. People who saw her as an equal and she would see them as dependable. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Next week we will do the patronus, so come again with your happiest memories!" Ella called after everyone as they filed out of the room of requirement. She was left with Merula and Ben who stared at Rowan's picture hanging on the various mirrors. She smiled as she held a book and held her hat in place with the other hand. Ella remembered that she wasn't aware she was taking her picture. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>'No! Don't do that without my consent!' Rowan tried to grab the Polaroid out from her hands. 'I don't want my face like that!' </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>'Too late! It's mine now!' Ella stuck her tongue out and smiled. She remembered it resorted to them laughing and pushing each other around. It felt silly then and now it feels like a dream.</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Did you ever finish that book she was reading?" Ben asked, breaking her focus. Ella shook her head. She tried to read it but it just felt so odd for Rowan to have been reading about muggles guides towards love. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Did Rowan ever mention having a crush on someone?" Ella asked and Merula scoffed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Wow, you really are dumb." Merula walked to where they stood and leaned on the mirror. She looked at Ella and then smirked at Ben who was hiding his smile behind his hand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ben rubbed his temples and sighed. "She never mentioned it but it wouldn't hurt to take a guess?" He coughed and gained a sudden interest in his robes, tugging at the frayed ends from the session they had just finished. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I don't understand." Ella tilted her head and saw her expression in the mirror. She really did look like a dumb cartoon in how her head tilted dramatically and her eyebrows did that thing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Nothing. I suggest finishing reading it and then letting us know." Merula pushed herself forward and double-tapped her index finger on Ella’s cheek, a habit that appeared as suddenly as their friendship. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Well I'm going to get some food, Copper do you want to join in?" Merula and Ben walked away, leaving Ella to talk to Rowan. She never did ask the ghosts about how to keep a spirit there, but she still talked to Rowan as if it didn't matter. </span>
</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>
  <span>After a quick chat, she found Merula and the others talking. She didn't have anything to contribute but she stayed around the loudness. She was too scared of the quiet and found that being around Merula was anything but quiet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After everyone left for their rooms, Ella thought of how to help others with conjuring a patronus. She figured if she and Merula brainstormed they could find some tips for the others. She pitched it to Merula who was lost in thought. “So, what do you think?” She caught Merula's arm, not intending to be so close to her that she'd see the uneven cat eyes. She noticed how one was more refined than the other and yet still managed to compliment her face. The eyeshadow had dulled out from her dramatic style, and she also noticed her lips. They had a tint to them and she wasn't sure if it was a chapstick or moisturized lipstick, but they made her lips look soft. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I don't think… uh. What?" Merula stuttered and before any could answer Snape approached them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"If you two would wish to find another time for ...this, I'd suggest the courtyard or the owlery. Right now I need Marris." Snape sneered and Ella let go of Merula, both a darker shade of red and parted with Snape in uncomfortable silence. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they stopped in front of Dumbledore's door Ella worried their plans were foiled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Am I in trouble?" Ella felt her head grow achy and her stomach turn. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Is there something you'd want to admit to?" Snape raised an eyebrow as they waited for the staircase to descend. Ella said nothing and instead walked in. She didn't wait for Snape and slowed down slightly when she realized he wasn't behind her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Ah, Miss Marris, how lovely to see you." Dumbledore stood up front behind his desk and ushered her to sit on the couches. Ella never could read his expression and yet she felt a wave of sorrow always following the wise man. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I have been tasked with informing you over any and all developments over your brother," Dumbledore started and Ella grew excited. "The thing is, your brother has been found." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ella stood up and just laughed. She had tears in her eyes and felt her heart beat a mile a minute. She had so much to talk with him about! She knew with him back they'd have a higher chance of finding </span>
  <em>
    <span>her.</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh my god, that is good. Wow. Um, okay. Should I get some stuff? Is he at the hospital? Can we use the floo network to see him? Wow, after all this time. Where was he? How did you guys find him?" Ella had so much more to ask and was starting to get a bit agitated that Dumbledore wasn't moving fast enough to take her to him. He knew how much he meant to her, so why was he not moving?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Miss Marris, he's not at the hospital." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ella sat down and took that in. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh. So he's at home? In that case, can I see him there? Or is he coming here? Is he coming back to school?" Ella began to look around the office and noticed the portraits looking at each other with pity. Her excitement dulled out incredibly fast and she turned to Dumbledore who stared at her as the paintings did. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Professor, what's going on?" Ella felt herself reaching a conclusion. Which was impossible to imagine since she just went through something similar and she still hadn't been able to piece everything together again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Your brother was found last week in the forests around Transylvania. They weren't sure it was him until a matching was used with his wand." Dumbledore got into explaining how there was a body that was discovered by the muggle police and Ella felt a million miles away. She listened as he apologized. He went into how there was DNA evidence used as well as various spells to see if the body was fake. It all came back that it was indeed Jacob Marris. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm terribly sorry Ella. I wish there was something else I could do, but he's gone."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ella stood up and stared at the wall behind him, at the pictures of the dead. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No. Gone is when I couldn't see him. Gone was when he left for school. Gone was when he disappeared from school. Gone is when he is somewhere that I cannot see. He's not gone. You have to say it or it doesn't feel real." Ella pleaded for the words to not come out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"He's dead." The words came out and Ella let it out. She didn't want to cry in front of the headmaster so she held her arms across her chest. She felt her head pound and her stomach ache. She felt everything except the tears that wouldn't come out. She felt them pool and she blinked them away but when Dumbledore reached to give her a hug she shook her head saying: </span>
  <em>
    <span>No! </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With every ‘No’, she shook and when he hugged her she let it all go. She wailed and cried. She didn't know when or how but she found herself in the hospital wing. She turned and saw Dumbledore talking to Madam Pomfrey and Snape. She heard them talk about a numbing potion for her nerves and to her surprise, it was Snape who asked if that was fair. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It isn't fair to shield her from this sir.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She already went through the loss of her best friend and those emotions made her strong, but losing your sibling is an entirely different thing." Dumbledore ominously said drawing the attention of his words.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sir, with all due respect, and believe me I do not and cannot understand that pain, but even so, it is not fair to shut off her emotions. Losing a friend is horrible, and I can’t imagine losing a sibling, but I do know what losing the person you love the most is like and I know Ella Marris is not weak. In fact, she’s strong for deliberately disobeying us in search of her brother despite the chances of punishment. She got back up after her friend died, and she even had the strength to appear in Hogwarts despite the reputation her brother left. She needs to feel sir. We all do.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was a drawn-out silence and it took Ella a while to understand that she fell asleep at some point. She didn’t think too much about what they said to each other except that Snape was defending her. Of all the people it was Snape who vouched for her to feel something which was in its own way ironic. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She would be lying if Ella were to recall how she ended up in the courtyard. She passed Filch at one point because she remembers him just looking at her and then at his cat who meowled and left. She wondered if word traveled fast and if so, who else knew? She sat in the courtyard and began to wonder if his last moments were sad. Did he know she was looking for him? Was he aware of all that she did for him? To get to him? She also began to think of Merula. Of all people, she thought back to the night of the ball when they stared at the sky. A night much like this, she began to remember what she thought about in terms of the universe, Merula, and her. It was a scary realization she pushed back then because of her search for Jacob, but what now? If she were smart, she’d have begun to connect the dots a lot sooner. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What are you doing out?” She turned to see Merula walking out into the moonlight. Her hair was the same regular mess and her walk the same regular confidence she grew to like. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just thinking.” Merula sat down next to her, probably thinking about the last time the two were out at night like that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What did Snape want? Did they find out about us?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Us?” Ella shouldn’t have been so preoccupied with things like romance but she still felt a tinge of hope. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, the club. Hello? Are you okay?” Merula snapped her fingers and Ella laughed. She didn’t know why but she just couldn’t stop. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I’m not.” Ella managed to say before her laughter turned to tears. She was tired of crying and tired of feeling like something will always just hover over her like a dark cloud. She was glad Merula didn’t try to comfort her, it was the last thing she’d need before she went crazy. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"They found Jacob.” Ella found herself telling Merula what happened. She wasn’t sure why she could openly admit the things she didn’t want to with anyone else but she could with Merula. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Based off of your sad look, I'm assuming it isn't good." Merula turned to look at Ella and Ella just shrugged. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah. I'm pretty sure that tomorrow the whole school will know." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Can I ask?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Ask what?" Ella wasn't sure if Merula wanted to ask if her brother was dead or how he died. She wanted to know herself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What was your happiest memory with your brother?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The question definitely caught her off guard. She didn't expect such a personal question to be asked and she wasn't sure why Merula would ask something like this but she thought about it with brevity. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You know we're half-bloods right?" Ella saw Merula tilt her head to the side. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Not really. I mean I know you guys weren't in the same circle as my parents but I didn't know it was direct."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah, my dad is a pure-blood and my mom she's this heiress from America so it's essentially like a gift of a world that Jacob and I were born in. So like all families with money we had a nanny. Coincidentally it never felt like we did. Jacob and I were a gamble and our dad had to get the ministry involved in constantly wiping her memories that eventually we got an elf. But the nanny was nice and funny. She won't remember it but Jacob snuck away to follow a frog in the stream near our place. She followed him and I followed her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It turns out that she wanted to steal from my parents so she had a plan to kidnap Jacob and use him as a ransom. I was like 6 and didn't really understand but I remember being scared and I saw something. I don't know how to describe it but I saw Jacob bound and tied in a car and I panicked. Next thing I knew, she was knocked unconscious and bleeding from her ears."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Merula once again looked confused. "How is that a good memory?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ella smiled. "Because it didn't happen yet. I saw into her mind and somehow into the possible future. Jacob saw everything and he says it was like I was a superhero. After that we became inseparable. Everything he learned from the tutors, I learned. Eventually, he told our parents and our lifestyle shifted from muggle to magic. But I can't forget that feeling of me searching, finding, and saving Jacob. I think- thought about it often all these years. But I've failed this time." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Merula sighed. "Why do you do that?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ella was confused. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Why do you feel like everything bad is because of you? Or that you failed? You're you, don't you get it? You're not Dumbledore. You're not all that powerful </span>
  <em>
    <span>yet</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You can't carry everyone's lives on your shoulders." Merula huffed, out of frustration and sadness. Ella didn't really understand why Merula was mad or worked up. Her brother died. Her friend died. Two of the people she loved died. She remembered reading somewhere that once was an accident, twice a coincidence, and by the third time- it became a pattern. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Merula, I don't follow-" Ella was cut off by cold hands grabbing her hands. She looked down to see Merula and her painted black nails then trailed her gaze to Merula's pretty eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They didn't say a word to each other but eventually, Ella rested her forehead on Merula's shoulder. A second later, she was engulfed in a hug. But it wasn't like Dumbledore’s or anybody else's hug. It felt like a pillar that held her up, filling her sense with a smell she could live in, and a warmth that flooded her chest. She couldn't remember the last time a hug felt like that. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I am so sorry...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. ... and we were all forgiven, even though we didn't deserve it.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ella learns that socks are a desire of the heart.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The next day was far worse than she could have imagined. Long gone were the talks of Ella and her family of crazies. The news said her brother had been murdered and seemed similar to the beginnings of the war. Out of spite or pity, somebody sent Ella news from the muggles in which they described an unidentifiable body tortured beyond imagination that persisted for years. She read every word. She searched for every description she could find of Jacob. The Daily Prophet read: </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Once assumed criminal, Jacob Marris, was discovered in the outskirts of Transylvania. Sources say his body was hard to identify but thanks to wand matching and DNA evidence, the body has been confirmed as Jacob. Jacob's parents will receive the body this afternoon and ask that all respect their privacy. As the son of well to do family from brother sides, there will be a reception held in the near future via invitation only. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ella closed the newspaper and continued with her coffee. She shouldn't have left her bed but she did. How could she not after Snape defended her. Which shouldn't have been the only motivator, but there was also the preservation of her pride since she was still at the castle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Ella?" She turned to where Penny was. Penny had a mug with liquid and handed it to her. She didn’t say anything, which Ella appreciated, and just hugged her. It felt soothing but also as if she was hugging her with trepidation; as if she were going to break.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s in this?” Ella, trusting Penny drank it all at once and handed her the mug. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A potion to help with your nerves, it’s really wonderful.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ella made a face. “It’s tea…?” She wasn’t a fan of tea but knew from Penny’s stare, she would have found a way to make her drink it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just-I don’t know how to say that I am sorry for your loss. I know you spent almost every waking moment trying to find him. If you need anything, anything at all, let me know. I am here for you.” Penny hugged her again and let go when they felt more people sit around them. Ella knew her friends meant well, but she did not want to cry again. If one more person hugged her, she knew she would burst. So that’s what happened when she felt Bill engulf her in a hug. She often said how he reminded her of Jacob, so him hugging her made her realize that she will never have Jacob hug her again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry Ella. I didn’t mean to-” Bill started to let go but Ella pulled him back in. If she could just pretend Jacob was somehow Bill, she would accept things better. If only through pure imagination, for a few moments more she wanted to be with Jacob. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eventually Bill sat down next to her and the rest of the table began to talk about all the times they had heard of Jacob doing something unique or rumors of him. Bill gave Ella water and eventually Merula appeared. No one commented on how Merula walked in with Ben anymore, but they did spare a second glance the moment she squeezed herself between Ella and Penny. She didn’t say anything but Ella leaned against her shoulder and the rest of the morning remained as was.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>To her surprise, classes had been canceled since they were to hold a ceremony for Jacob, a student that did not run away but was a victim to something else. She received many other words of heartfelt grief and condolences from complete strangers. The day consisted of her laying on her bed. At various times people entered the Slytherins commons and would sit next to Ella. Some would say words and others would just stay there in silence. After the 9th person walked in, Ella excused herself and did not return. She found herself in the Room of Requirement and from there she sat on one of the many bean bags that room provided. There was an almost identical feeling that was similar to Jacob’s room and she didn’t question the room but she felt an even more pang worsening. The room was the same as when they would hold their practices in there, but more homey. The only difference now was that she was alone, making the room more empty than before. Sadly, it felt like home.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ella almost made it back to her room before she thought she spotted someone that looked like Jacob. She ran after them and into a room that was empty except for a mirror. She looked around and laughed, “I am really losing it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My dear,” a voice from behind scared her, “we never were really all there to begin with.” Dumbledore emerged from the shadows and came into a better view. His half-moon glasses had a way of making her feel like she was under interrogation. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> “Professor, how are you?” She greeted the man that laughed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shouldn’t I be asking you that question?” Ella shrugged and noticed the mirror. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is that?” She pointed because why else would a lone mirror stand in the middle of an empty room in an obscure part of the castle?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It shows us our greatest desire. It’s called “Erised’, desire backwards.” Dumbledore stood in front of it and looked even more sad than before. There was a wave of nostalgia and pain behind the man’s stare.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“May I ask what you see?” Ella was curious about the man that has been vague and helpful at many times. If even the great Albus Dumbledore could feel sadness over something he wanted, what hope did she ever have?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s an old memory of a loved one, but like all wonderful things, it had to come to an end.” Dumbledore sighed, stepping back from the mirror to which Ella decided to stand next to it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She saw Jacob beside her and Rowan too. She saw them to her left, smiling at her. When she looked to her right she saw someone holding her hand, and panicked for a second. She looked away from the mirror and to her right, where there stood no one. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Does this show us what we cannot have?” Ella asked Dumbledore who tilted his head, raising one eyebrow. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Interesting that you see it that way. But yes and no. It shows you what your heart wants, yearns for in a sense. Some things are easier to attain when one works hard for them, and others are more lost to a fantasy of what could have been. I am safe to assume that you see your brother, correct?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ella nodded. “I also see Rowan there and…” She didn’t want to say who else she saw, because by saying it, the reality of the truth will be too much. On top of losing her brother and best friend, she did not want to add being a freak of nature as another. “And a lovely pair of socks.” She winced at how laughable that was. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dumbledore laughed as well. “I am sure the socks you see are much better than mine.” He walked next to her and she couldn’t help but feel curious if they saw each other’s desire. Apparently not because she could only still see her three people, and she assumed he still saw his memory.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My socks have hyacinthus on them. Oh my, what a lovely shade of purple.” Dumbledore said wistfully. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The flower?” The description was oddly specific and Ella was not so stupid to believe him that what he saw was a pair of purple flower socks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dumbledore dropped his gaze and then patted her shoulder. “I am sure by now your friends would have started to wonder where you have run off to. You wouldn’t want to worry them, would you?” Ella shook her head and allowed him to lead her out of the room while glancing back. She could have sworn she saw them waving goodbye. </span>
</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>
  <span>She did not see Dumbeldore again until she made her way to the dining hall with her house. After she made it back, she saw a lot of people in the commons talking. When Merula noticed her she glared at her and then walked back to Barnaby who ran towards Ella almost knocking her down with a hug. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I thought you left!” He squeezed Ella and she patted his arms. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She did leave.” Merula rolled her eyes and then sat down on the couch, staring at the fire. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I'm sorry I went for a walk around the castle." She gave them a smile and then the perfects appeared telling them it was time for the ceremony. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They walked in line to the dining hall and sat on their respected table. Ella sat towards the front with the others from her house. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was sure that by now the amount of people that would piece her misfortunes together was well underway. They too would be able to start growing their distances from her. </span>
</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>
  <span>After the ceremony and words of consolement and everything else Ella did not pay attention too, they returned to their dorms. Her earlier meeting with Dumbledore made her anxious for another encounter with what could be. So she waited until everyone fell asleep. Since Rowan’s things were whisked away, Merula moved in closer. She grew accustomed to her presence around her and them talking under hushed voices in the night while the others slept. She was in a world so far away from everything there. It wasn’t long before she learned how Merula’s breathes were as she slept. She waited until the breathing went from rushed to slow and paced and then she got out of bed as quietly as she could. She tried to retrace her steps as last time to where the mirror stood. It took her longer than she had hoped but eventually she found herself standing in front of the mirror with the same people smiling back at her. It felt like a weird thing to see herself in a happier time than in reality. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you really gone?” She asked the mirror, expecting no answer. She sat on the floor and decided that talking to them would be better than talking to a photo. So she told them how ridiculous everyone was. One moment they demonize her and the next they pity her. She eventually got quiet and just stayed in the moment where a hand held hers and her brother and friend were alive. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As the days proceeded she expected an owl from her parents but it never came. The days turned to weeks and then the reception for Jacob occurred. She wasn't even invited. Her family spun that she was too busy to attend and was there for the private family reception. It was obvious that they wanted her and her knack for trouble away from a moment of family drama in the papers. The more she waited for anything from her parents didn’t come, the more she felt the need to shut herself away. It was only at night when she could feel like she could go someplace far away from reality and enjoy the merits of fantasizes. There was something more lively and more real at night than in the day. During the day she had to keep her mask on, giving her little time to herself. But here, at night in front of a mirror that shows you a happy possibility, she felt like she had time for herself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So this is where you run off to?” Ella looked at the mirror and saw Merula from the side. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t know you could answer back.” Ella panicked and when she heard the footsteps she sighed a relief but then felt the thumping of her chest rise with every breath. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is this?” Merula stood behind Ella and Ella could see her tilt her head in her signature way, while the other figures stood intrigued. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s the Mirror of Erised.” She offered Merula the spot next to her and saw her hesitantly sit while staring at the mirror. It would be cruel to ask what she saw without explaining first. No one said Ella was good natured. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you see?” Ella asked eagerly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I see my parents smiling, which never happened before so I highly doubt this mirror is anything good. Why, what do you see?” Merula leaned closer towards Ella as if trying to catch a glimpse of her dreams.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ella blushed and smiled softly. “I see a pair of socks with hyacinthus on them.” She thought if she said what Dumbledore saw then things would end there for their conversation. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Merula raised her eyebrows and smirked, “You see a pair of socks with flowers? Why those specific flowers, huh?” She began to tease her and Ella regretted saying what she said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Haven’t you heard the story of Hyacinthus, Zephyrus, and Apollo?” Ella shook her head but vaguely recalled them. “Something about one of them dying, right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, something like that. So Hyacinthus was apparently a pretty guy and Apollo and Zephrus wanted him but in the end, he chose Apollo. Zephyrus was so jealous that when he saw them playing a disc game, he used the wind to move the disc out of the way and it hit Hyacinthus in the head, killing him. Apollo was so distraught that he didn’t let Hades take his spirit and instead created the flower out of his lover.” Merula leaned back, arms resting behind her, and smirked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So what you’re telling me is that you see yourself with flower socks of a tragic love story? That’s kinda bleak.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ella leaned forward, “Honestly, no I didn’t. This mirror shows you what your heart yearns for.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Merula sat up straight and glared at her, “That was dirty.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry. Things like this are private and you are always private. I feel like you know more about me than I do about you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, sure. Then tell me what you see then.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ella narrowed her eyes and sighed. “Fine. I see Jacob and Rowan alive.” She didn’t want to add anything else to that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Was that it? Nothing else?” Merula shifted a bit closer to Ella, who didn’t say anything. Was she an open book? Or was it just to her?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Merula, was that all that you saw?” She threw the question back and Merula just smiled, “Wouldn’t you like to know.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I do, that’s why I asked.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I saw someone else. I mean I see someone else. They’re just around which is really odd. So that’s how I already knew this mirror probably showed you something you wanted.” She wrapped her arms around her knees and turned to look at Ella with a sad gaze. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wow, this mirror really makes everyone sad.” Ella thought back to Dumbledore and blushed because he probably knew what she saw. Maybe not who, but definitely no coincidence that he would use such a metaphor. She bit her lip and stared at the mirror. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why?” Merula stared at the mirror, at the left and Ella wondered who that person was. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Apparently we all have someone we want but can’t have. I mean, imagine not knowing how you feel about someone and you see them and then it just clicks.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did that happen to you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No. I already knew for a while now. It just doesn’t have to reiterate the chances of it never happening to me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why did you say the sock thing then?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I heard it from,” she paused unsure if she wanted to out someone like that or even hint at it, “someone.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You were here with someone else?” Merula glared at her as if she did something disgusting. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, a while ago. I ran in here thinking I saw Jacob, but it was someone else and they explained the mirror to me. It was weird, but now I know that there are a lot of people like us.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Like us?” Merula almost whispered the words, which was something Ella was not used to. She wasn't used to the different levels of Merula and it bothered her how much had been wasted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, like us. Us who have someone we want but can’t have. Us who have desires that won’t come true. Us, Merula.” She looked to her right, staring at what her heart wanted and couldn't have.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I hope you guys enjoy your time here again then, don’t worry I won’t barge in again.” Merula made a show to stand up and Ella didn't want to be alone anymore. She reached for her arm, but the moment she held it, the door opened. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Miss Marris, I see you have returned again.” Dumbledore walked in, with a knowing smile. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ella quickly let go of Merula and stood up. “Professor, it’s good to see you again!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, well I liked our last talk here that I decided to stop by again and see what else was new.” He stopped and turned to Merula and smiled. "I see you also have wondered in here. I must warn you both to not get attached to the mirror, many great witches and wizards can get stuck in that mirror's fantasies." He walked towards the mirror and his same gaze returned. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No matter though, because your parents are here Miss Marris.” Ella looked to the door this time and was visibly upset. They haven’t written, they haven’t sent word for her, they have done nothing a normal family would. She remembered Rowan and her parents and how they were nothing like hers. They were a family that was more like a cohesive unit. Her family was a family in the sense of blood and fleeting moments when they were all together. It was unavoidable but they were always busy and so when they all got together they would always do something, up until Jacob disappeared and then those moments became scarce. They pushed her away before she could. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you professor, but please let them know I am no longer here. Or that I left for a trip or something." She felt the heat and tingling sensation rise in her throat. It burned her, stemming from her anger and resentment, but knew it wouldn't be fair to let it out yet. "I don’t feel good, please excuse me.” She walked to the door and it was rude, and she knew she would apologize later, but she left. She didn’t hear his response and didn’t see Snape around either so she left walking. </span>
  <span>If only she could have a longer night to herself to be destroyed and rebuilt on her own terms.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey guys! I don't know why but I am really into the whole enemies-to -friends-to-lovers trope. I think I saw somewhere on Tumblr that people who like that trope do so because they like the idea of someone knowing all the bad and still loving you. So yeah, welcome to this club! <br/>I wanted this as a one-shot but then I added more and then it spiraled out of control, so sorry ;3;/ <br/>Have fun guessing the song and the poem (ch.) I used for inspiration! :P</p></blockquote></div></div>
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